The lie of discipline, and why ‘pushing hard’ doesn’t work

So many of us grow up believing we have to be pushed — that pressure, challenge, and discipline are what bring out our best.

But I don’t believe that. Not even a little bit.

This story that we have to force ourselves to become who we’re meant to be is everywhere. And because it’s everywhere, we start to believe it must be true.

So we try to push through. To be more productive. More disciplined. Less emotional.

And when that doesn’t work?

We assume something’s wrong with us, rather than questioning the story.

But here’s the truth: we’re not machines that need constant optimization.

We’re living beings.

And living beings don’t thrive through force.

We thrive in the presence of safety, kindness, and nourishment.

Photo by hugo on Unsplash

We can see it clearly in nature:

🌳 A tree planted in a harsh environment might survive. But it will grow small, brittle, and twisted by the wind.

🌳 A tree planted in rich, nurturing soil will thrive, growing strong, expansive, and full of life.

It’s the same for us.

You don’t need to push harder.

You need more care. More softness. More space.

You need to be treated like the living, natural being you are.

And if you need a little help remembering that today…

You might love this Love Letter I wrote.

It’s free — and it comes with a simple grounding practice to help you reconnect with yourself.